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Are you playing financial tug-a-war with your spouse? You both have your own plan on how to spend money, but you aren't getting any closer to your financial goals.
- Do you want to gain control of your finances?
- Do you want to become debt free?
- How much money do you want to save?
- What does financial independence look like in your life?
All of these questions are great to dream about and think through. Deciding what your money goals need to look like is the first step in obtaining them. You need to be intentional with and have a plan for your money.
Regardless what your financial goals are, you will not be able to reach them if you are not paying attention to your financial status by just going through life 'hoping' everything will work out. Your money situation only gets worse if you do not discover how to work together with your spouse about money.
You and your spouse need to share the same financial goals
If you don't share the same financial goals it can very difficult and at times impossible, to obtain your financial wants when your spouse has very different plans and you are at odds with each other.
When you work together on the same goal, you can motivate and encourage each other in the rough times. You have some one to celebrate with when you finally make progress and achieve your goals.
Stop treating your finances as a game of tug-a-war!
You are playing tug-a-war with your spouse when you do not share financial goals and dreams.
You will win some ground and you will lose some ground. Whoever has the strongest opinion will eventually yank the other spouse on to his/her side. The spouse will come very reluctantly and will be resentful of being yanked over. Neither of you will win.
Instead, start looking at money obstacles in your life as a heavy weight the two of you need to lift together to move out of your life, rather than blaming each other as the source of the problem. [Tweet "You are playing tug-a-war with your spouse when you do not share financial goals and dreams."]
When you are able to work together as a team on a shared goal, instantly you will have a greater focus and can encourage each other to keep going when it is hard to persevere. You will have someone with whom you can share the joys, disappointments and triumphs. Your marriage will become stronger.
Money affects every area of life and you will experience greater intimacy, deeper conversation and will become more of a unified front when you have common financial goals with your spouse. Everyone wants more of those qualities in their marriage, right?
[Tweet "Make your marriage stronger by working together on shared financial goals."]
Taking all the time you need now to talk to your spouse about the reasons why you want to change your financial situation and how you need a plan to get there will help make the actual process so much smoother. You are laying a foundation for how you and your spouse will win with money. Do not rush through this stage.
Please do not pick up the tug-a-war rope.
The first goal is to gain common ground as a couple. One easy way to start the conversation is to ask your spouse about what s/he would like to do or go if there were no payments and if your money was under control. Today, just dream together. Say yes to your spouse's dreams and add some of your own.
After you have established shared financial goals, you can then designate specific tasks to each partner, discover a new course for reaching your goals, and start following the necessary steps to accomplish your dreams. You will need to find a new way to communicate about finances, because the old ways are not working.
As you begin to communicate and work together on finances, see if your relationship starts to improve instantly.
Today, if you want an easy win, just stop reaching for the tug-a-war rope.
Are you playing tug-a-war with your spouse? Do you share financial goals together?
Hi! I’m Charissa. I’m on a mission to help hardworking women overcome money struggles and gain financial peace with a Biblical perspective so they can have the freedom to impact their families and communities. Ready to make some changes that will impact your finances in 2020? Click here to get a free worksheet to help you make it happen!
I hate money! Seriously despise it! I have tried creating a budget and just get lost! It’s so insane! I need to start at step 1 and make goals. Write them out, have clear goals and go from there.
Leila, I am a recovering budget hater too. Once I found out what my reasons were for budgeting (I wanted to become debt free, pay cash for my husband’s school, and not have some of the financial difficulties I saw friends and family experiencing), the actual work of budgeting became so much easier and a ton less stressful.
I would like to encourage you to take some time to think about where you want to be financially and what you would do if money wasn’t an issue, then work on budgeting with those goals in mind. I believe in you and know you can get control of your finances! If I can help with anything, just holler.
This post shares how I found my reasons why I budget and this post makes starting a budget simple.
Thank you! I will check out those posts! I know it’s something we need to do, it’s just a matter of sitting down, doing it and getting hubby on bored!
My best advice, Leila, is to sit down with your husband and talk together about what your financial life looks like now (i.e. so many payments, money stress, not enough money at the end of the month, all this debt, out of control… etc) and instead what you would like your financial life to look like (no more debt, money in the bank, able to purchase… or travel…etc). Also talk about the need to do something different with your money so you can achieve your goals and have a plan for your money (that is all a budget is :-).
The rest of your financial years do not have to be the same as the previous ones, you can always change how you handle money starting now.
I could not agree with this more! After 23 years, we still find ourselves picking up that tug-of-war rope occasionally — and we usually end up in the mud pit in the middle! 🙂 Good advice, Charissa!
Hahaha, Wendy, I love the description of ending up in the mud pit in the middle. So true! Every time money comes up in conversation, it becomes an opportunity to either pick up the tug-a-war rope or to work together. My husband and I are striving for the tug-a-war match to be a rare occurrence rather than a frequent one. Thanks for stopping by!
Do you remember that I said that my boyfriend and I never talked finances? We did it for the first time today. 😉
Thanks a lot for the inspiration and for joining #TipTuesday, Charissa!
Hey that’s great Debbie! How did the talk go? I am honored to have had a small part in you and your boyfriend discussing finances. Thank you for the invitation to Tip Tuesday Linkup Party! I plan on being a regular participant.
I will be a pleasure to have you with us, Charissa.
The chat went very well. Better than I expected. I could not ask for more. 🙂
I am so glad for you that your talk went so well! Thank you for sharing that with me, it made my day.
What a wonderful contribution you are making here. I love this positive chatter. Your analogy of a tug-of-war is so descriptive of reality.
Thanks Charissa,
Kathleen
Thank you Kathleen. I want to see couples put down the tug-a-war rope with their finances and work together. Even my husband and I need to put the rope down at times, though we agree on most financial topics. Thanks for stopping by!
Wow, love this. I have been in relationships where there was poor communication about money and it caused issues. Had never looked at it like tug a war. Been trying to get my own finances under control. I will definitely use your tips. #debbieinshape
Thank you Thomas! Money can definitely be a problem area in relationships. Yay, I always love to hear about people getting their finances under control. If I can help you in anyway let me know. Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for this post. I am always playing financial tug of war I like to spend my husband doesn’t. Thanks for linking up on #HomeMattersParty. Hope to see you again next weekend.
You’re welcome Melissa. Have you and your husband set up a budget together? I found knowing I had a set amount of money I could spend on clothing or groceries made it easier to spend without the guilt, since it was a predetermined amount. Also, maybe there are some areas you can agree you can spend a little more on without affecting the budget. Another thing which may help is looking at the big picture, what are some goals you want to accomplish as a family? Hopefully you will be able to work together with your husband and eliminate some of the tug-a-wars.