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1. You like the idea of getting divorced.
2. You like keeping secrets and hiding purchases from your spouse.
3. You like to keep competition going between you and your spouse.
4. You do not care what happens tomorrow; splurging now is the only thing that matters.
5. You rather enjoy fighting about money.
6. You would rather keep your spouse at arm's distance.
7. Your marriage does not need improving.
8. Your spouse does not need to know anything about finances.
9. You love control.
10. You thrive on money stress.
11. You want to stay in debt and do not want to win with money.
I do not know anyone who's life is characterized by this list, yet so many people do not want to talk money with their spouse. There can be many different reasons you do not want to bring up this topic, fear, anger, hopelessness, power, and on and on. However, talking about money and being on the same page about your finances with your spouse is vital to winning with money.
Secrets, control, and lack of trust in the area of finances can be a huge strain on any marriage even an good one. Life brings enough hardship as it is, but we can certainly minimize money stress by talking to our spouse about money and coming into agreement about how to handle finances.
Money stress is often the cause of many fights within a marriage.
Money stress is often the cause of many fights within a marriage and can lead to anger, resentment, and even divorce.
Now that is a scary thought! I want my marriage to thrive and last. Being able to talk openly about money with my husband is so important and will help our marriage go the distance, since our finances effect every area of our life.
Finances affect every area of life, so talk money with your spouse!
I have had plenty of money fights with my husband, especially in the early years of our marriage. I was so stressed with needing to provide for all of our financial needs on a variable income. We had debt, bills, and tuition which needed to be paid. Budgeting our money felt like juggling several sticks on fire; causing me to panic.
I took my stress out on my husband and we had some doozies of fights. I did not realize at the time, but what I really wanted was for my husband to help shoulder the financial responsibility of our family; to work as a team, making financial decisions together and focusing on reaching a common goal.
Tweet "You need to work as a team, making financial decisions together and focusing on a common goal.
My husband has said that he did not know how to help me reduce expenses or manage a variable income. It was just easier to not be involved and leave everything in my hands to take care of since he was focusing on school. This was not the best way to handle finances on either side.
Once I realized that budgeting was a valuable tool and as I started sharing what I was learning from listening to Dave Ramsey, our fights became less often. We agreed on the need to get out of debt and live on less than we made. Now, we had common goals which gave us a united front in our marriage.
Our communication, in other areas too, has improved throughout this whole process of living on a budget and paying off debt. There is more openness with dreams for the future, thoughts, and feelings to be shared.
We started having budget meetings once a month. Since I am the one who is responsible to keep track of the bills and spending, I come up with a projection of our bills and income for the following month. My husband will join me and we will discuss our upcoming financial situation.
Having these budget meetings have allowed my husband to have a better idea of what is going on with our finances and have an opportunity to give his input. I no longer make all the financial decisions by myself. If money is tight, we can talk about what needs to be done to get through the month. We can share the satisfaction of reaching our financial goals together.
There is so much value to being open and honest with your spouse, especially about money as it significantly affects every area of life. I do not know anyone who desires to willingly sabotage their marriage, but that is what you are doing if you do not talk about money with your spouse.
Talking money with your spouse needs to go beyond the fights about spending, bills, and debt. When you share a common financial goal, like getting out of debt, and can start working together to accomplish the goal, the journey draws you together and makes your marriage stronger.
Talking money with your spouse makes you a team.
- Think about the reasons that you do not talk money with your spouse (hopefully they are not the same ones that showed up on my list!).
- What are you afraid will happen if you do bring up the finances?
- Are you satisfied with where you and your spouse are at financially or would you like to change something about how the two of you handle money?
I am fully aware that talking money with a spouse can cause disagreements and even fights between the two of you (I deal with this in my own marriage as well). However, if you can not push through the disagreements and come to the point of being united about finances, it will be very difficult to win with money when you as a couple are at odds with how to spend and save.
It is impossible to cover all aspects of talking money with your spouse in one post, so I have decided to start a series of articles addressing the various aspects of working together on your finances including how to talk to your spouse about money.
Question: Do you talk finances with your spouse? Why or why not?
This post was shared at Thrifty Thursdays and Friday Blog Booster Party.
Hi! I’m Charissa. I’m on a mission to help hardworking women overcome money struggles and gain financial peace with a Biblical perspective so they can have the freedom to impact their families and communities. Ready to make some changes that will impact your finances in 2020? Click here to get a free worksheet to help you make it happen!
This is such a great reminder to bring up money more often in our conversations. Thanks!
Thanks for stopping by Beverly! Money is one of those things you have to pay attention too and stay on top of on a regular basis.
I’m not married yet, but I can definitely relate to this post! This was a big reason my bf and I separated after several years. Sadly, money can absolutely make or break a relationship. I also think it’s really important to talk about money before getting married. I love all things Dave Ramsey! I’ve seen a couple churches offer his class, which would be awesome to take!
You are right, Kristin, money can either break or make a relationship. I definitely think talking money before getting married (or even serious) is a must! My dad had recommended Financial Peace to us when we were dating, but it was more a suggestion and I wish we would have taken the class before getting married. We will take the class eventually, but it has to wait until my hubby is done with school.
Hi Charissa, I am stopping by to let you know that I nominated you for the Liebster Award if you would like to accept it.
Debbie, I am honored. Thank you. I would be pleased to accept it, what do I need to do (and tell me more about this reward:-)).
One thing that has always worked well for my husband and I is to discuss items over a certain price point. That way, we still live with some autonomy but we also have ongoing communication on significant expenditures. Good post!
Shellie
http://www.thefabjourney.com
Great point Shellie. We discuss the monthly budget and then will talk again if we have to deviate from the budget, especially if the amount is say larger than $100 (though we don’t have a specific amount set).
Money does seem to really be the breaking point for many relationships. It’s best to be honest up front about what options are instead of bottling everything up.
I agree Heidi! When you are open and honest about what your financial situation is, you can work together to solve the problem or come up with a plan. Secrets are never good in a marriage.
Charissa, another great post, there is very sound reasoning in talking with ones spouse about these things. I like your point of being united in working toward financial goals and sharing the joys and burdens is so good.
By the way I see Debbie nominated you for the Liebster Award, I also sent you a message and nominated you. I guess you are well nominated, so enjoy the journey.
Kathleen,
Fridays Blog Booster Party
Yes, I did receive your nomination and am working on the post. Thank you Kathleen! There is so much more you can accomplish when you are working in unity with your spouse, especially regarding your finances.
LOL Yes, we talk about money. It’s never fun, but it’s necessary.
That is great that you talk about money, Marie! Budget meetings are usually not fun either at my house, but there is a lot less tension than before. We need to keep working together and I think it gets better with time. Thanks for stopping by!
Talking about finances is a definite must even before marriage!
I recommend all my friends who are talking marriage to talk finances first! It is important to start out on the same page with finances when you get married.
I think it’s important to talk about money, but as a team. Not as opposition. While we don’t always agree on what’s important, we do agree if we feel we need to spend it, we do. We understand that we have a finite source and try to work within it.
Our biggest rule is that we don’t fight, or even argue, about money. Just the facts, no emotions.
Great rule Kim! Though, sometimes it can be hard to get to that point of no fighting, especially if you have not had that rule set up all along. Team focus and realizing there is a finite amount of money is so helpful in being able to work together to win with your finances. Thank you for sharing all these awesome points and for stopping by!
Hi Charissa, This post is in the Top 6 most clicked in Fridays Blog Booster Party#4 You will get a special mention on Friday. Well done.
Kathleen
Thank you Kathleen!