Taking a full, deep breath was impossible…. With the way my chest squeezed tight and worry furrowed my brow.

I punched in the numbers into my husband’s old Ti-48 calculator again, sure I had made a mistake.

It was right. My expected income for the month was $873 less than the bare minimum I needed to pay every bill on time. My stomach churned and squeezed tightly, making me want to throw up.  

How was this going to work out? Why did we get married right at the beginning of my slow work period?

 What could I do? There’s no way, I’m going back to my parents or his, two months after getting married, asking for help.

Thoughts raced through my head, scrambling to find some sort of answer to the money shortfall.

 All $7,662 of his student loans, my car payment, and a credit card, carrying the balance of my beautiful round diamond, surrounded by four teardrop rubies, that I wore proudly.

But I didn’t like that I was now paying for it.

Not much considering the average debt, but it was was good 20% or more of my entire income that first year of our marriage!

 It felt like such a heavy weight crushing my chest to my spine.

On top of everything,  there was a tuition payment coming up in one month for my husband’s school. I certainly didn’t want to take out even more school debt!

In fact, there was the tiniest sliver of a hope deep in my heart, that somehow we could pay off all our debt by the time his graduation came around and he could graduate debt free.

Despite that speck of hope, a paralyzing fear rose up and started to choke me, overwhelming me, forcing tears to slip out and down my cheeks.

Deep down, a strong wave of fierce determination billowed and welled up. I am not going down without a fight. My fists clenched with resolve.

 Whatever it would take, I AM going to provide for my family. I’ll figure out a way.

Regardless of the debt looming over me with a dark shadow, or tuition payments coming fast at me like a barreling freight train, or my income on a crazy roller coaster ride, changing each month...

I am going to figure out this budget and how I can pay off debt, so I can see my husband graduate debt free.

Paid off Mortgage

The foundation for my story was set early on when I was growing up. My parents did not have a lot of money in the early years and I remember how my mom stretched the money as far as she could to make ends meet. Both my dad and mom hated being in debt and they worked so hard to pay off their home mortgage early, which they did by the time I was 13.

After they made the last payment, mom was so tickled when a lender would call to offer a better interest payment on the mortgage. “So, you can do better than 0%?” she would gleefully say. One guy fell for it and replied, “Better than 0%, I guess that means we would have to pay you.”

My grandparents, who lived through the Great Depression, and several other people influenced me strongly with the ideas of working hard and saving up money until you could afford to buy something without going into debt.

I got my first real job when I was 16 years old so that I could drive my parents’ Toyota Cressida that had no AC. I  did not care that the car only had 4/40 AC (4 windows down going 40 mph); I had wheels and just had to pay for insurance and gas.

Instead of fixing the AC, I started saving every dollar I could in order to go to Hawaii for my senior trip. Another thing that I was excited to do once I had steady income was to start sponsoring a little girl in Ecuador as a way to give back to God and show my thankfulness for His provisions.

College, graduation and a car loan

Thankfully, my parents were able to afford my college tuition when I went out of state studying sign language interpreting, however I still had to work through college in order to afford my living expenses.

I started budgeting during this time because I had to, but sitting down and actually working on a budget was always very stressful for me. Money was so tight and sometimes I did not know if I would make it to the end of the month.

As I graduated college and moved home in time for my sister’s wedding, I had to start carrying a credit card balance. I simply had not prepared to save for moving expenses. That first year home was really difficult as I struggled to get work as an independent contract sign language interpreter in a new city. The challenge of trying to get enough work to pay off my credit card and to pay my parents back for expenses accrued during my senior year was very trying.

I had to field comments from my well-intending family that maybe I should get a real job instead of interpreting. When I sat down to work on my budget, I’d have to fight waves of panic. I did not have enough money to really make ends meet, much less to be able to move out of my parents’ house.